Elise Clement
What is your definition of courage? What does it mean to be strong?
There was a time when I could only see courage in grandiose acts, those that involved saving lives or at least doing something radically bold and risky.
There’s no denying that these undertakings would require courage, but what about the quieter acts of courage, the ones that perhaps don’t get as much airtime but require us to bravely stand up for ourselves, nonetheless? To speak honestly and openly, and to live that way too?
And what about strength? When I look back over the last eight years since my daughter was born, I can count on one hand the times when I needed support AND actually asked for help. Though I wish I could say it made me stronger, it didn’t. Exhaustion, resentment, anger and isolation often showed up as side effects of trying to do everything on my own. And these are not the hallmarks of strength, in my humble opinion.
Cultivating quiet courage and strength
This everyday type of courage and strength holds great power to transform our lives, I believe. I like to call it “quiet courage and strength”.
It’s the courage and the strength to ask for what you need or to reach out for help.
The courage and the strength to rest when you need to.
The courage and the strength to carry on when something challenges you.
The courage and the strength to say no sometimes, or the courage to say yes.
The courage and the strength to “course- correct”, change goals when they no longer align with who you are or what you truly want.
The courage and the strength to grow through what you go through, instead of being a victim of your circumstances, or your past.
The courage and the strength to define success for yourself instead of letting society’s or other’s expectations dictate what your life should look like.
The courage and the strength to do things your way.
The courage and the strength to drop the “shoulds” altogether.
The courage and the strength to try again tomorrow.
This is the type of courage and strength that, over time, build your resilience so you can navigate the ups and downs, the joys and the challenges, the light and the dark.
Building resilience together
Cultivating quiet courage and strength is within everyone’s reach. It does, however, require us to recognise and capably move through our emotions, embrace trust and hope in the face of uncertainty and take risks, no matter how small.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of courage” Brene Brown
I’m sure by now you know that change is all around, and it’s here to stay! Our job is to learn to live skillfully in a context where things are constantly changing.
Whether you’re wrestling with the self-doubt and anxiety that come with a specific phase of life (newborn mother, children starting school, returning to work, changing careers) or trying to get your head around how to navigate frustration and disappointment – every day provides a training ground to build your resilience to change, i.e. your “quiet” courage and strength.
However, in a society where independence is seen as the holy grail, where being strong means you should rely on yourself at all costs and never ask for help, it is important to remember that we cannot be resilient alone.
I love these words from Soraya Chemaly, the author of “The Resilience Myth”:
“The crux of the cult of individualism is the belief in a hypermasculinised self-sufficiency that ends up making being human — having needs (being needy), needing to be cared for (being dependent), being vulnerable (being “weak”) — impossible. (…) No one is resilient alone, at all times, and in all situations. Resilience is a dynamic process and it is healthier and more accurate to say that we take turns being resilient for one another.”
It’s such a powerful reframe, don’t you think? When we ask for help, we allow others to step up and rise to the occasion, reconnecting with the gifts of our humanness along the way and building resilience together. What if asking for help was not only courageous but also a clear strength, one that can alleviate the pain of anxiety, depression and burnout, at a collective level?
I’d like to give a shout-out to everyone out there who is courageous enough to ask for help when you need it and to respond to requests for help when you can. If you’re reading this and keen to try a mindset shift, remember small steps can lead to big changes. And if you need additional guidance and support to tap into a new kind of courage and strength in your life right now, I’d love to support you. You can find out more about my services here.
