Stepfamilies Australia
As Mother’s Day approaches so does the Federal election, how are both these relevant I hear you ask?! Firstly, there are over a million of us living in step and blended families. Did you know that Step mum out number step dads three to one?? This is why they are considered our modern-day superheroes and why they should be acknowledged this Mother’s Day!! Secondly, if Bill Shorten wins the election and becomes our next Prime Minister, his would be the first stepfamily to ever live in the lodge!! This would be a win for Stepfamilies. It highlights that it is our fastest growing family type and these modern contemporary families are Australia’s future! It also helps to put step and blended families on the map and maybe even secure Stepfamilies Australia some going funding?! (everyone can dream…)
Anyway back to Mother’s day! Step mums are truly remarkable, we are unsure why there are so many of us in comparison to stepdads. One theory is that women are more likely to partner with men who already have children than men are. Women are more likely to draw on their ‘mother hearts’ and embrace children. Given we don’t get funding there isn’t a lot of research around this, so it is hard to know? I would love to hear other people’s theory – just comment below!
We believe that anyone willing to take on the care of another’s child deserves our appreciation and recognition! Step and blended families start off as strangers with no history or shared anything, however with care, patience, persistence, love and lots of time they can go on to build strong, supportive relationships. This does take time and patience, so don’t rush. Spend lots of time with the children (if they let you) to build those experiences, create rituals and family traditions together as this will help the somewhat challenging process.
The work we do through Stepfamilies Australia (www.stepfamily.org.au) brings us in contact with many stepmothers and every year, as Mother’s Day approaches they ask for advice on how they should behave or the expectations they should have on Mother’s Day?
Here are a few things we tell them…
- The biological parents need to take the lead. On Mother’s Day or any other day, a child should not be coerced to thank their stepparent. Thanks and acknowledgement towards all female carers should be encouraged from biological or primary parents
- Keep your expectations real. Stepparents start as strangers, relationships rely on history and shared experiences. The first 5 years are the trickiest time and these relationships are still forming. So lower those expectations so you don’t get disappointed.
- Be patient. Cards and presents are great, but this might take a while and will also depend on the age of the child/children. Children sometimes feel guilty, like they are betraying their biological parent by giving cards and gifts to step parents.
- Use lots of communication. Silence breeds assumptions. It is so important to talk about these special days. Bring it up so the children know that it’s ok to thank their stepmum and also have the language to do so.
So HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the other mothers out there from us here at Stepfamilies Australia – we see and hear the amazing job you do!
Feel free to share and tells us how you were acknowledged (or not) in the comments below!
Head to our Stepfamilies Australia website www.stepfamily.org.au you can find further information, tips, resources and links to advice and support that promote the best outcomes for children, young people, parents and stepparents.
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