Kiddipedia
Don’t get me wrong, I would love a long soak in the bath without a child slamming the door open and jumping in with me – but thinking that’s all I need or deserve as self-care – think again.
Self-care is all the rage on social media but for most Mothers, taking time for self-care, other than hopping in the shower and washing her hair – often seems unattainable. When does she have a chance to go to the toilet in peace, let alone have a massage or read a book uninterrupted? Why does she feel like she doesn’t deserve more than a mere shower to look after herself?
Modern Motherhood is a recipe for sheer exhaustion. The majority of Mother’s carry both the mental and physical load of a household and when it comes to self-care, her needs fall last.
Mum guilt says: ‘I should be attached to baby 24/7 to be a “good mother”’
Shame says: ‘I shouldn’t feel the need to escape for time to myself, everyone else seems to cope’
Ultra-independence says: “I can do everything on my own, I don’t need help”.
Let me tell you what self-care is not in Motherhood, any of the following without the kids in tow:
- Doing grocery shopping
- Having a shower
- Cleaning the house
- Hanging out the washing
- Running errands
Yes, it may be slightly more enjoyable flying solo, but considering it self care? Not in the slightest. Mothers are often met with “at least you had time to yourself”, which further shames her for needing anything else. And this is where we as a society are failing Mothers, we are simply not valuing their wellbeing.
Every human being, Mother’s included, not only deserves but needs physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social self-care.
In the form of:
- Nourishing food
- Moving her body
- Time for play
- Connection
- Purpose
But how does she go about it, when we live in a world that doesn’t automatically support her needs?
- Improve self-worth: Do you have the belief that you must be constantly on the go? To always be ticking things off the list, to feel worthy of rest, validation, or love? This conditioning is so damaging to our mental, physical and emotional health, but is a belief many subconsciously cling to. Self-worth is a major hurdle for many mothers as they enter the role of “stay at home mum.” Mothers are praised for doing it all on their own; ‘I don’t know how she does it, she’s incredible.’ Regardless of the societal norms, Motherhood and Martyrdom do not have to exist hand in hand. You are worthy of feeling your best and you deserve time to dedicate to self-care. What are you giving to your family that you don’t give yourself?
- Learn how to sprinkle self-care throughout your day. Self-care is often marketed as face masks and long luxurious baths, and although they sound satisfying, there are many other ways you can care for your wellbeing. Against popular opinion, to look after yourself, you do not need to escape your children. Listening to a podcast, nourishing food, belly breathing, practising gratitude, movement, sunlight, getting fresh air, just to name a few, can all be done with children in tow. Making time to nurture yourself is essential for your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health, regardless of whether the baby is attached to your hip.
- Create your own village: Ultra-independence can damage your wellbeing, we are not meant to do motherhood alone and you shouldn’t be expected to. You must remember: You are one person, not an entire village. You are trying to give the amount of love, support, engagement that in traditional cultures an entire village would provide to the child. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness and in accepting the help you welcome in community and support. The reality of Modern society is that extended families often don’t live close by, leaving support for Mothers minimal. Reaching out to Mothers groups, online support groups and exercise classes, can bring a sense of belonging and support when you need it the most. Mothers need Mothers, if we don’t have each other, isolation and unmet needs is often what we’re left with.
- Create space for ritual: You wake up with kids attached, demands coming from every corner of the house, leaving your adrenals on edge 24/7. Sound familiar? This doesn’t need to be how you experience Motherhood. When I first started creating space for ritual it felt selfish, unattainable and a little overwhelming. Why? Because although I made space for “me-time”, I was still riddled with ‘mum guilt’ or was mentally going through my daily to-do list in the midst of my ‘me time’. If you are taking time for yourself but shaming yourself in the process you will find yourself chronically tired and full of resentment. You have the power to change this. Your morning ritual doesn’t need to be a complicated 2-hour process. The timing of my morning ritual can change depending on what is happening in the house but when there is space, I make sure it happens. If you can manage to wake up 20-30 minutes before the kids – even better! Your morning ritual sets the tone for the rest of the day, it will help you feel calm, happier and more productive. It helps you frame your day and give it more structure amongst the unknown. It can be as simple as incorporating a morning stretch, hydrating, journaling your intentions and a simple skincare routine to wake yourself up.
“I will not apologise for choosing myself this time. Self-love is the chapter I’ve always wanted to write.” – SRW.
To learn more about how to reawaken your wellbeing in Motherhood and feel like yourself again, ReviveHER ebook is now available.
https://www.motherunearthed.com/product-page/reviveher-ebook
