Kiddipedia
As parents, we all dread that moment. Without warning, your child throws themself on the ground – screaming, crying and losing all control – and despite our heartfelt attempts at reasoning, we are at an absolute loss to calm them down.
One big cause of outbursts is when kids get stuck on one idea, one desire, or one solution. Things escalate when their desires cannot be met. They can also struggle when something needs to change unexpectedly.
Here’s a brief guide on ways to reduce outbursts, or manage them better when they do occur.
- Dedicate spending some quality time with your child, at least 30-60 minutes per week as a strategy to build connection. This could mean simply chatting with them or doing something together that interests them. Time spent connecting can make a significant difference in controlling outbursts.
- Make sure your child has enough food, water, is not too hot or cold and has had adequate sleep. If you have been very overly busy, your child might feel rushed too.
- Listen to how your child feels without judgement or telling them what they should think and feel.
- Check-in with your emotional state: are you stressed as a parent? Take measures to fill your cup to ensure your self-care.
- Make sure your child’s sensory needs are being met – include movement, swinging, climbing, play and the right amount of quiet etc.
- During a meltdown, sometimes all you can do is wait it out. Get your child somewhere safe, minimise the harm they can do to property or people, and just be with them. Think of it as safe hands containing a tornado.
- At the tail end of a meltdown, you may be able to get your child to tell you what they are so sad/ angry about. Listen, don’t tell. Reassure and validate their emotions – don’t say they were wrong to feel that way.
- When your child is completely calm, make a plan for next time. e.g. reinforce the rule that we don’t eat lollies for dinner (if that was the trigger), or after school, we have a snack and a play at the park before homework.
If you believe your child has emotional regulation issues caused by sensory, social, emotional, trauma, executive function or learning difficulties, an occupational therapist can help work with your child and family to build awareness, resilience, and coping strategies, based on your child’s needs.
You can find a local occupational therapist through Occupational Therapy Australia.
By Vivienne Williams – Occupational Therapist, Kids Matters
