Kiddipedia

Kiddipedia

One of the most powerful ways to build strong family dynamics is to utilise the concept of Gamification. This means applying the principles and design of games to areas of your life that may appear to be nothing like a game.

To gamify your relationships is to utilise a powerful metaphor for success.

Metaphors create a link between what we do know and what we don’t. They give us a map of reality to make sense of our experience by comparing familiar and unfamiliar things. A metaphor directly refers to one thing by relating it to another. As such, it changes our experience of the unknown subject by identifying hidden similarities between two different ideas.

Family relationships can often feel mysterious, messy and hard to understand. But games are clean, simple and straightforward, and the objectives are clear.

Games we know, relationships we don’t. Yet if I say that relationships are a game, that means we can take what we know about games and apply it to relationships. This includes:

  • clear rules
  • objectives
  • Penalties and fouls
  • Winning and losing
  • fun and enjoyment
  • a reason to do hard things that require sacrifice, discipline,
  • the need for practice, resilience and overcoming significant setbacks.

Normally, it’s hard to see how there can be any winning or losing in relationships; but using the gamification metaphor allows you to think in a way which unlocks breakthroughs into a more enjoyable and fulfilling experience as a family

If you sit down as a family to play Monopoly and only one of you knows the rules, everyone else will have a painful experience and end up hating the game. Yet as soon as everyone understands the rules, they also know how to win and will have an enjoyable experience.

When you are playing basketball, there are things that you just can’t get away with. You must respect the rules of the game, or you risk being fouled out and disqualified from playing altogether.

The rules are designed to ensure a safe, fair and enjoyable experience for both the players and spectators. Without these rules, there really is no game.

Many people have had rules used by those in power to dominate and control them. But these rules have been skewed unfairly so that only one side can win. While this can leave a bad taste and might cause you to react against the idea of relationship rules altogether, it is impossible to enjoy and win any game that has no rules.

When the rules are good and clear, however, it means the game you are playing is predictable. If you break the rules, you lose and if you keep the rules you give yourself and those you care about the best chance of winning. There are no surprises. If you know this ahead of time it always makes sense to play by the rules.

When it comes to creating strong dynamics for your family, therefore, it makes sense to first be as clear as possible about these three things:

  1. What game are you playing?

  • What type of family are you and what are you trying to achieve together?
  • Are you raising elite athletes, future world leaders or captains of industry? Are you cultivating future artists, teachers or musicians? Maybe the game is to raise well-rounded children with the confidence to pursue their own paths instead. It’s your game, but you have to be clear about what the game is called in order to play it properly.
  • Has everyone agreed to play this game, or is everyone playing a different game?

  1. What are the rules of the game?

  • What rules will make the game safe, fair and fun for everyone?
  • What will you never do as a family?
  • What will you always do as a family?
  • What are the agreed consequences for breaking the rules?

  1. How will you know you’ve won this game?

  • What are the clear objectives, timeframes and goals of this game?
  • What are the rewards and celebrations when you score points along the way?
  • When do you get to stop playing this game and decide on the next one?

 

Rather than having constantly moving goalposts, all family members benefit from a clear understanding of the current season and the realisation that seasons always change.

For example, the season of having toddlers is very different from primary school kids and very different again from the teenager season.

You’ll need a different game, rules and goals for each season. If you want strong family dynamics, naturally, the older the kids get, the more involvement they will have in the process of setting all three.

 

Jaemin Frazer is the author of Leverage – How to change the people you love and get the relationships you deserve (Major Street Publishing $32.95). He is the founder of the Insecurity Project and specialises in helping entrepreneurs, leaders and business owners eradicate insecurity so they can show up to life unhindered by doubt, fear and self-limiting beliefs.  He is widely recognised as one of Australia’s best life coaches and a leading voice globally on the subject of personal insecurity. Find out more at www.jaeminfrazer.com