Kiddipedia
Bringing a child into the world can be one of the most magical times in a couple’s life. While the joy and euphoria of expanding your family can be intoxicating, the harsh realities of raising a child can hit as soon as you get home from the hospital. When you have a newborn, especially when it’s your first child, your whole world can be flipped upside down – and expectations of what parenthood is like can go out the window.
Even the most prepared parents with the strongest relationships are caught off guard when it comes to raising a baby and the learning curves can put pressure on your relationship. Bringing a baby into the world is the ultimate test of any relationship and will heighten your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to who you are as a couple.
One thing that no parents are immune from is the inevitable conflicts that will come up from time to time when you have a newborn around. Fights and arguments happen with any new parents so don’t feel like your relationship is the only one going through it – there are issues in each couple’s life that come up with a newborn, and we’ve come up with some ways to combat them and reconnect as a couple.
Issue: Lack of positive body language
Why it happens
Your life isn’t just about the couple anymore, it’s about the baby – your focus completely switches, and your child has 100% of your attention all the time. Life now revolves around your baby, and that can be a shock for some couples who haven’t quite prepared themselves for how their relationship will change with this new focus. With this, it’s easy to forget the importance of body language in the relationship and making your partner feel secure.
How to deal with it
We know that it’s hard to make time with a new baby, and you may not even feel up to talking, so an easy way to improve emotional intimacy within the relationship is to display positive body language. When working through conflict or even just going about the day to-day, body language can go a long way. For example, giving them a smile. Giving your partner a loving smile goes a long way to making them feel safe and loved, and it’s been proven by research from SmileDirectClub that smiling makes people think you are approachable, warm, and welcoming- all ingredients to a loving and caring partner.
Issue: You aren’t on the same pages
Why it happens
Many parents, especially in the first few months of having a baby home, are the most sleep deprived. When you’re well-rested, you’re happy and can easily solve problems while remaining calm. Contrastingly, when you have a terrible night’s sleep you become irritable, frustrated, and short-fused. In the early days of parenting, everyone is still finding their feet. Sometimes these two things coupled together can leave you feeling like you and your partner are on completely different wavelengths.
How to deal with it
Set up moments of respite where you can be completely alone with your thoughts to relook at the situation with an objective mindset. Think about the conflict at hand through the lens of – is this an assumption or a knowing? Is this conflict driven by feeling or intuition? Be understanding of your partners situation, they’re going through this tough time too and find a time to reconnect and level out. Doing small activities together like going for walks, folding the washing, or even just sitting outside for a cup of tea can be a great way to check in with each other and ensure you’re on the same wavelength.
Issue: You don’t feel attractive anymore
Why it happens
With the tight schedules and sleep deprivation new mums and dads experience, it’s easy to let your self-care regime fall by the wayside and feel unattractive within yourself. Though this is not the case, this may lead to you breaking your physical and emotional bond with your partner and shying away from their displays of intimacy. This can often cause feelings of confusion and rejection from your partner, which can cause conflict in the early days of having new bub at home.
How to deal with it
It’s very normal not to feel sexy at this time, and rest assured, this is not the case! Seeing your partner in their rawest moments can most often be the most beautiful times and its important to remember that attraction doesn’t always come from being dolled up. We all know, confidence is sexy, so it’s important to invest in yourself in the little moments you must feel your most confident. One easy way to look and feel more attractive is to smile! Research from SmileDirectClub shows one in three Aussies are most attracted to a persons smile, so be sure to continue to wear that beautiful smile to light that fire within yourself and your partner
Final thoughts
All parents struggle when your baby comes home, you’re all trying to figure out this brave new world together. Conflict happens in any relationship but the key to keeping a cool head and not losing it at each other all has to do with being organised, having open lines of communication, and rekindling your love whenever you can. It won’t be easy and there are lessons to be learned along the way, but your family will be much stronger for it – plus this is a temporary stage, babies grow up faster than you think!
Dr. Lurve is one of Australia’s leading Love & Relationship Experts and a SmileDirectClub partner .
