Dr Tanya Unni
As a Doctor, I am seeing a huge rise in the amount of pressure being felt by parents. As a parent myself, it makes me feel very sad because the people who are pressured are doing such a great job as parents.
It is easy to see why pressure is increasing. Life simply got busier. Longer working hours, more things to buy and maintain, more sports to play and technology to play with.
And if that wasn’t enough there is an expert for everything telling us what we should eat, how to cook, what our children should be doing, how much we should exercise, how our home should look, what to grow and how to stay healthy.
And once we have mastered all that, social media puts it on show for others to judge.
The pressure has been building for decades but COVID took it to a higher level by triggering more working from home, home schooling, financial pressures and insecurity about our future.
Many parents are effectively becoming pressure cookers and it is affecting their health and the health of their children.
The world is not perfect, children are not perfect, and parents should not expect to be.
Children are all different and comparing them to each other is like comparing apples with oranges. Try not to compare your child with others and don’t give advice to other parents on what they could be doing. Pressure can be passed on to children and if they are not enjoying their time with the family, they will look elsewhere to find activities of interest.
I can vouch that the average anatomy of a parent – especially the mother who often takes on most of the parenting and home duties whilst also working – is sleepy eyes, tight lipped smile, shoulders stooping with the weight of expectations and a heart heavy with persistent guilt and pressure.
It is time for a cultural change.
It is time to let go of certain things. Trust and entrust others. Be kinder to yourself.
The most precious thing for a working, hands on parent is TIME. Therefore, keep in mind that time management is your key to happiness.
Plan ahead. Making a list of everyday tasks will keep you more organised and relaxed. It doesn’t matter if the plans invariably go topsy-turvy, it helps to have an idea of things ahead.
- Learn to prioritise. Let the dishes and laundry wait. Your little one may be badly in need of a hug.
- Hire help. Employ a cleaner if possible. Having someone else do the chores will save you invaluable time with your family.
- Don’t try to do everything together all at once. Divide the housework up into small parts that can be spread out over the course of the week.
- Set a routine. Have a set time for homework and bedtime for both yourself and your children.
- Allot enough time for sleeping.
- Keep a check on the time you spend on social media, or else before you realise and look up, you may have wasted hours from your busy schedule.
- Question what you are doing. Is everything absolutely necessary?
- Make the most of the time you spend with your kids. Create beautiful moments and memories for them.
The soliloquy of a busy parent should be something like this:
- I will learn to say NO and will not try to please everyone.
- I will not compare myself, my home or my children with others.
- I will make it a point that family events are treated with great importance.
- I will try to squeeze out ‘me time’ daily, however short it may be.
- I will find more time with my friends.
- I will talk to other parents and find out how they manage the pressure.
You are not the only one under pressure, but you are the best person to control how much pressure you are under.
