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The holiday season is fast looming. Does that thought fill you with joy or trepidation?
If the answer is trepidation, you would certainly not be alone. Because although this time of year is supposed to be one of jollity and fun, a time when you can kick your feet up and enjoy time with family and friends, it doesn’t always work out that way, does it?
When groups of family and friends get together, sometimes only this once a year, there are bound to be clashes and conflicts, differences of opinions and desires. We all have that person who rubs us up the wrong way, puts our teeth on edge or triggers a cascade of negative feelings. Maybe it is the mother-in-law, the know-it-all sibling or the drunken uncle, we all have people who we know are going to drive us crazy.
And this year is going to be perhaps more difficult than ever. With the continual uncertainty of COVID and lockdown restrictions, people’s fuses are likely to be shorter. Compromises will need to be made as to how the holidays are spent and there are bound to be people who aren’t happy with the outcome. Tricky waters to navigate for sure.
As tempting as it might be to wash your hands of the whole business of the festive season, being with family is what it is all about. So rather than give them up, a much better thing to do is learn how to handle the difficult people and keep your sanity in tact. There are definitely things you can do and approaches you can take that will make things so much easier for you.
Here are a few practical tips to help you out. These skills can of course be used any time to deal with any difficult people, but the holidays are a perfect time to get in some practice.
Think of someone who is likely to get under your skin over the holidays. Have you got it? Now work through the following steps with that person in mind.
1) Let go of your expectations
More often than not when we get upset and frustrated with people it is not because of who they are but because of who we WANT them to be. We want our mother-in-law to be complimentary, we want our brother to be helpful, we want uncle Dave to lay off the whiskey. We have expectations of how they should behave, how they should treat us, and when they don’t – that is when we get upset. If you are ready to accept the fact that people are likely to behave in the way that they always do, you will not be disappointed and thereby avoid a whole lot of frustration and anxiety. Think of your person. What are you expecting from them? Can you let this go?
2) Establish your boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries for yourself is key. You need to know where you draw the line and what you will do if someone crosses your boundaries. Keep in mind that boundaries only require consequences from you. For example if Uncle Dave swears at the dinner table, I will leave the room. Your boundary states if you do X, I will do Y. It does not require action from them. You don’t need to tell anyone of your boundaries, you just need to know what you are going to do. So have a think of your person, what are some boundaries you might need to establish for yourself, and what will you do if they are crossed?
3) Become a participant observer
One of the best ways to lighten up a tense situation is to take a step back and look at things with a bird’s eye view. Imagine you are peeking in the window at the family holiday scene unfolding. Imagine that you are watching it as a movie, or reading about it in someone else’s diary. Sit back and watch the drama unfold. Oftentimes this is incredibly entertaining. Instead of getting wound up by people doing aggravating things, view it as a chance to collect some amusing anecdotes to entertain your friends with later.
Holiday anxiety, stress and conflict can be avoided or at least greatly reduced. Much of the work lies in your mindset and being present to your thoughts. These three tips should get you started. If you would like more help with this, I have created a free workbook for you which you can download here https://georgiabamber.lpages.co/difficult-people-workbook/
Have a wonderful holiday.
Georgia Bamber is a success coach, speaker, and bestselling author of the book ACHIEVE ANYTHING YOU WANT. Through her work she teaches people the practical tools and mindset strategies they need to create positive changes and reach their goals. You can find out how to work with Georgia at www.georgiabamber.com.
