Positive Mind Works
Di Gramp Senior Psychologist
Positive Mind Works
Alfred Adler, a contemporary psychoanalyst to Sigmund Freud, was the first to theorized over 50 years ago that the birth order of children effects not only your child’s personality but that its effects resonate through-out their whole life.
So what is it about birth order that has captured the popular imagination? What is important for parents to know? Is birth order importance evidence based in science or just pop-psychology, a myth perpetrated through anecdotal evidence?
Assumptions about First-borns:
They are more achievement oriented. College/University students are over represented with first-borns, with 63% from only child families and 50% from 4 child families. The percentage drops with more children and gender were not significant
First-borns have higher self-esteem than latter-borns, esp. female firstborns
First-borns have slightly higher scores on IQ tests than latter-borns
First-borns tend to be more stubborn, conservative, ambitious, intellectual, social leaders and less compliant
Assumptions about Middle-borns:
Adler said middle born children are overlooked and feel they don’t belong;
. that they don’t feel special or equal to older or younger siblings.
. they tend to be less likely to ask for help or share with family,
. they are more +ve and therefore more prone to be empathetic than first or last-borns,
. they tend towards being peacemakers, agreeable, social, loyal, least likely to rebel, relate to all ages and are the most emotionally stable.
Assumptions about Younger or Last- borns:
.they are less independent, more social, somewhat spoiled, immature, irresponsible, attention seeking, rebellious.
So on the surface this appears to be helpful information for parents but does it really exist in scientific evidence or is it pop psychology where subjective data and anecdotal stories are gathered together because of their similarities and then proffered as universal truths?
Universal truths are things claimed to apply to everyone, across all times, across all races and across all genders. But the reality is Universal truths don’t really exist.
And I am sorry to say birth-order affecting personality is one of these. There is either none, or very little good scientific evidence that birth order is correlated to your child’s personality.
Birth order differences in personality and life experience does not really exist as claimed. Middle child syndrome, especially, is a hypothetical condition with no real supportive evidence to link it to any psychological impact.
The data is anecdotal and not scientifically statistically significant, this means there is no real nor lasting connection between your child’s birth order and your child’s or your adult personality.
That said, it doesn’t mean the concept is not useful as a tool to focus parents’ attention on the different needs of their individual child or children because it enables an examination of family group dynamics. But realistically it is more likely that the spacing time between your children’s births, their individual personalities, your total family and extended family size, your country of birth, your parenting style, disposable income, willingness and availability to parent, and access to enriched activities like education and recreation have more important effects on you and your children.
What is assumed? What are the commonly claimed characteristics? Let’s look at the middle-child as an example.
- They’re peacemakers and pleasers, focused on fairness and justice.
- They’re more competitive because they feel ignored or excluded.
- They try to fit in more to gain approval.
- They are independent and focus on friendships.
- They act out to get attention.
What does science tell us is actually true about middle-born children?
– that the evidence is contrary to popular belief,
– they are often quite family-oriented
– they are generally content with their position in their families.
– no evidence has been found supporting the idea that middle siblings are any less confident, happy, self-assured, motivated, or goal-oriented than their older or younger siblings.
– the middle child’s role changes and is not as strictly defined as that of the youngest (who is always last) —or the oldest (who is always first.)
– middle children occupy different positions within the family depending on the number of siblings
What does science tell us is important for Parents to know about their child’s birth order?
-there is investigator bias because when parents, caregivers or clinicians are given a child’s birth order, their beliefs and prognoses reflect that.
– biological factors of both genetic inheritance and pregnancy play a large role in the development of personality related characteristics.
– the number of siblings, age differences between siblings, gender, and socio-economic status affect children’s behaviour. For example, first-borns from large families are most creative if they have many siblings that are either relatively close in age or of the opposite sex.
-Interactions among family members plays an important role in supporting or not supporting the development of your child’s natural personality.
-older siblings develop in a way that make them different from their siblings, while later-born siblings develop in a way that make them more similar to their siblings.
-a child’s closeness to his or her parents is dependent upon the age of the parents when the child is born, as well as the number of siblings in the family.
– gender plays a role in whether a child turns to a parent for emotional support.
– parents encounter less conflict with later born children, and are more familiar with their daily activities, because they learn from parenting experiences
So what do Psychologists know is important in family dynamics for raising Psychologically healthy children, regardless of their birth order?
ATTACHMENT STYLES:
These are a powerful predictor of a child’s later social and psychological outcome.
SECURE- having a loving, responsive, organised parent protects children from emotional maladjustment. E.g., Letting infants cry on their own in the first 6 months to avoid “spoiling” them or to teach hem ‘self-soothing’ is abuse. Promptly picking up and comforting a crying baby, especially in the first 6 months of life, reduces crying at 1 year, encourages self-soothing learning, creates secure, organized attachment.
AVOIDANT – emotionally unavailable, parental response or avoiding or delaying meeting the needs of an infant or child’s creates insecurity, clinginess, anxiety, fear, and emotional and physical avoidant detachment. No confidence or certainty of anyone meeting needs, can lead to an inability to form close relationships.
RESISTENT- insecure resistant attachment is caused by insensitive inconsistent parenting where infant cues are ignored or misread. Creates distress on separation, crying, tantrums, anger with inability to use parent as secure base.
DISORGANIZED- parents who create fear through threat or neglect, ignorance, mental illness or addictions. May create failure to deal with stress, inability to regulate and control negative emotions, creates oppositional, hostile, aggressive and coercive children. 80% of maltreated infants come from disorganized attachment parents.
PARENTAL PERSONALITY STYLES
Children often learn and mimic their parents’ personality style and incorporate both their strengths and weaknesses into their own thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Leading by example is powerful parenting tool. There is no point telling your children not to fight if you are always shouting and angry.
LEADERSHIP/CONSCIENTIOUSNESS/RESPONSIBLE
NEUROTICISM/NEGATIVITY/DISCOURAGE FUN
AGREEABLENESS/FLEXIBILITY/ENCOURAGING
PATIENCE/COMPASSION/KINDNESS
PARENTAL PARENTING STYLES
AUTHORITARIAN/DISCIPLINARIAN-child’s feelings are not considered important, children must be quiet, parents rules apply all the time. Goal is obedience. Parents enforce rules and determine consequences. Punishment is the norm to reach compliance. Can create low self-esteem, low confidence, lying, hostility, aggression.
PERMISSIVE/INDULGENT- sets rules but rarely enforce, few consequences, rewards for negative behaviour, bribery, lets children ignore, disregard, criticise or negate the rules or boundaries of others. This is a parent wanting to befriend their child at all costs and avoid the responsibilities of parenting and setting boundaries. Can result in child’s inability to make healthy choices, bullying, low self-esteem, sadness.
UNINVOLVED- never enquire about child’s day to day experiences, don’t spend time on the child’s activities with them and instead children must fit in with parental activities or amuse themselves (usually excessive TV or unsupervised), no understanding or nor interest in assisting children reach their age-appropriate milestones (social, emotional, physical, educational). Can create unhappy children, teenagers, adults, low achievement, behavioural issues and boredom, with low motivation.
AUTHORITATIVE-explain reasons, positive relationship with child, accept and validate child’s feelings and adjust rules and consequences appropriately. Can create happy, responsible and responsive children who are confident and have opinions.
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