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I love the school holidays! While for some families the challenges of occupying ‘bored’ children and juggling work commitments can be stressful, I embrace the slowing of routine, reduced scheduled activities, home projects and the general lack of structure. It’s always with some reluctance that we start to organise books, uniforms, lunchboxes and readjust bedtimes as the holidays draw to a close.
If your child is struggling with the idea of returning to school, there is a wealth of information and tips to help with the transition into the new year. However, there is precious little discussion or guidance offered to assist parents to cope with their emotions and feelings about the change.
The unspoken conversation
As parents, our thoughts are often largely focused on how our children are feeling about the school year ahead – whether they are delighted to be going back or feeling apprehensive or worried about returning. Understanding how your child feels about school so you can support them to be their best is obviously essential. However, on top of this, it’s also really important to consider how you feel about the upcoming changes.
A friend whose son is returning to school recently remarked, ‘I know he will be fine, I know that he will cope, but I will miss having him around. It’s just another reminder of how quickly they grow up’. It’s important to point out that her son is 17 years old and entering his final year of school. Whether your child is starting their first year of primary school, is a young pre-teen entering high school or is on the precipice of adulthood, we shouldn’t underestimate the impact a new school year can have on us.
Why can it be difficult for parents?
The return to school signifies a time of change – for children, families and parents. Change, even when it’s positive, can be unsettling and it’s normal if we feel some level of distress around these events.
The good news is that you can embrace this time of change and turn it into a positive experience for your family. Here are some tips to help you shake the blues and get off to the best start:
- Consider what it is about your child returning to school that is upsetting you.
- Are you worried about them and how they will cope?
- Are you struggling with the thought that they are getting older?
- What other changes are happening for you that might be impacting on how you are coping?
- Plan how you will change the routine from holidays to school term.
- Do you and your children need to get up or go to bed earlier?
- What can you organise the night before to make the morning rush easier?
- If the kids are older, which jobs can they take responsibility for to share the load?
- Try to keep perspective on what is happening and the opportunities ahead.
- Which new skills and attributes might your child learn this year?
- How can you best support your child to grow and thrive?
- What are some of the new opportunities that may be open to your kids?
- Discuss your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.
- Who can you talk openly to – a friend, family member or your partner?
- Does your partner understand how you feel and share your concerns?
- Is there a school parent who can provide advice and support in the early days of the term?
What if my child picks up that I’m struggling?
Mood is contagious and you may feel you shouldn’t share your distress with your children in case they pick up on your worry. Remember, it’s ok to be upset. Parents don’t need to wear a bulletproof vest and our children need to see that at times we struggle. In fact, it helps our children to see that although we don’t always hold it together, we are able to find a way to work through the tough feelings and cope.
Depending on the age of your children you might say something like, ‘I’ve really enjoyed you being home over the holidays and I’m getting used to the idea of you going back to school. This year is going to be great for your learning and to get back with your friends and teachers. I will be fine – I’m just feeling a little sad today’.
Get the year off to a positive start
Paying attention to your thoughts and feelings as you enter the new school year is the first step in coping with the change. Be gentle on yourself if you are struggling and find people who will support you. As you adjust to the new routine, seek out things that you enjoy doing. Go to the movies, hit the gym or organise coffee with a friend to give yourself a boost. Remember that change is a normal part of life. It can feel hard at first, but you will be ok.
Dr Jo Lukins, PhD is a psychological Indiana Jones. She seeks to understand what makes people tick and help them reach their potential through elite thinking.
