Dr Harvey Karp
Dr. Harvey Karp shares his go-to advice on how to cope with the stressors of new parenthood.
Fellow parents, grandparents, strangers, folks on the internet—and, yes, pediatricians—all love to give advice to new parents. We offer breastfeeding tips, sleep schedule tips, advice on diaper creams, and the best pram to buy. But what’s often missing in this sea of suggestions is advice on mental health. And those tips are just as—if not more—important for new parents to hear. Why? Because welcoming a new baby into your family is a monumental life shift that’s often peppered with exhaustion, anxiety, depression, feelings of inadequacy, and more. So, for right now, I’ll hold my diaper cream advice and offer you something more important: My go-to tips for new parents’ mental health.
Seek help.
We all know that “it takes a village” to raise a child…but today’s parents often don’t have much of a village to tap. After all, families may not live nearby. Hiring a postpartum doula or a night nurse may feel like “cheating” or maybe it’s too big of an expense. But culling a village is not a luxury or an antiquated action, it’s needed for practical purposes and for your mental health. Think about it like this: For centuries extended families would step in to soothe upset babies, prepare meals, and tend to the new mum, allowing weary parents to not only rest, but to feel supported…both boons for mental health. If you can, think about who you might invite into your village before your baby arrives. That could mean enlisting loved ones and friends for help…or turning to services and products, like grocery delivery, laundry pick-up, and/or our SNOO smart sleeper, which lends a helping hand by gently rocking and soothing your little one.
Know what’s “normal.”
Feelings of disappointment, sadness, restlessness, and/or anxiety shortly after giving birth are not only completely normal, they’re somewhat expected. This is what’s called “baby blues,” and up to 80% of new mums experience this. These complicated feelings often arrive just as your body tries to adjust to the physical and hormonal upheaval of having just birthed a baby, resulting in mood swings, tiredness, depression, and more. On top of all that, sleep deprivation in new parenthood piles onto these shaky feelings. Baby blues tend to gradually fade after about a week. But if after two weeks, you’re still grappling with these feelings, it’s time to reach out for help.
Ditch the shame.
Research shows that new mums are often ashamed to admit they’re struggling emotionally after Baby arrives. They worry about being labeled a “bad mother.” But the truth is, reaching out for help when you’re experiencing depression, nagging guilt, exhaustion, anxiety, and/or self-doubt makes you a great parent! You are putting your oxygen mask on first, which is valuable to your entire family’s well-being. Remember, postnatal depression and anxiety can be treated. Therapy and medication are available…but only if you share your feelings with your loved ones, your physician, midwife, even your baby’s pediatrician. The sooner that you reach out for guidance, the sooner you can feel better.
Make rest a priority.
Some sleep loss is inevitable with a baby. Newborns need to eat during the night! But that doesn’t mean that your sleep should be completely sacrificed. In fact, you need to safeguard your rest at this time! That’s because not getting enough sleep chips away at your health. It also shortens your fuse, slows your thinking, creates distance between you and your partner, and increases your chance of postnatal depression. So, when you think about it, getting enough ZZZs is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. So, how do new parents get better sleep? Again, ask for help, delegate chores and to-dos as much as you can, and lean into the 5 S’s for soothing babies. Swaddling, shushing (white noise), swinging (rocking), sucking, and holding babies in the side/stomach position activate a baby’s natural calming reflex, which is like an automatic “off switch” for crying and “on switch” for sleep. Parents who learn these soothing techniques have babies who sleep better…who then sleep better themselves.
Give yourself a break.
Build in time for neighborhood walks, coffee with a friend, yoga classes, reading or listening to a book…anything that offers you a brief reprieve from the demands of parenting and a chance to mentally exhale. Regularly scheduled “time outs” from parenting are actually “time ins” for your well-being, offering you an energy and mood boost that helps to make you a better parent. Hammer out a schedule so that everyone reaps the rewards…without guilt!
