Kiddipedia
When she is blooming, she is seen.
When baby arrives, she disappears.
Why do we move from one extreme to the next when honouring women?
Her worth does not diminish when the baby arrives.
What is the difference between nourishing and growing a baby on the inside to doing the same on the outside?
Absolutely nothing.
Are Mothers expected to have no needs, no joy, no desires once the baby is here?
Do we no longer exist once a baby is here?
Women in Postpartum deserve to be honoured through each phase as we do throughout their pregnancy. Through each ache, each growth period, with the amount of space that we hold for her during pregnancy. That woman is transitioning from a princess to a QUEEN. Her power doesn’t diminish at birth, her reign begins.
Has your self-worth taken a back seat since becoming a Mother?
If a woman has not been acknowledged and held as she transitions from maiden to Mother, her worth as a woman often becomes tied to how much she achieves in her role.
This can show up as a belief that she must constantly be on the go, to always be ticking things off the list so she can feel worthy of rest, validation, or love.
This mindset is common in Modern Motherhood and can damage her mental, physical and emotional health, but is a belief many subconsciously cling to.
It can sound like:
- “I will sit down after I hang out that load of washing.”
- “I will have the house clean before my partner gets home”
- “I need to tidy the toys before my friends arrive so that it looks like I have it
- all together”
Although I’ve acknowledged this belief in myself, it occasionally creeps back
- It feels like a knot in my stomach and a racing mind. Anxious in both my mind and body, crippled by the thought that I’m not enough. Self-worth is a major hurdle for so many mothers as we enter the role of “I’m just a stay at home mum”.
Your children couldn’t care less if you hung out that load of washing right this second. They will love you regardless.
Your worth as a woman, and especially as a Mother, is not based on your productivity.
If we live up to all the expectations of ‘perfect parenting’, we risk losing ourselves, but what happens if we live up to these expectations and one day our ‘perfection’ slips?
We experience the comedown effect with feelings such as
- Guilt
- Shame
- Anxiety
- Low moods
How do you rebuild your self-worth when society doesn’t automatically provide the validation or recognise the value of your role as a nurturer?
Foremost, recognising what you are giving. You are trying to give the amount of love, support, engagement that in traditional cultures an entire village would provide to the child.
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What are you giving to your family that you don’t give yourself?
Are you cooking up nourishing food for your family and forgetting about yourself? Do you encourage social connection and stimulation for your children but don’t provide yourself with the same respect?
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What areas of your life do you feel you’re overgiving?
Outside of caring for your children, are you giving your time, energy, or support to those who don’t provide you with the same? Are there commitments in your life that you no longer enjoy that can be cancelled or postponed?
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What do you feel you need more of in your life?
Do you need more support, alone time, connection, sleep? How can you make this happen?
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What do you do daily that is detrimental to your mental, physical or spiritual health?
Do you clean for validation or say yes to invitations but really want to say no?
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Do you have healthy boundaries with your time, energy, and relationships?
Are there people in your life that consistently overstep boundaries, consider if they have been communicated effectively or how you can preserve your time and energy better.
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Do you come up with excuses why you can’t have time for yourself? Or why you aren’t worthy of self-care?
For example – I haven’t been productive enough, I haven’t spent enough time with my child; I haven’t cleaned the kitchen yet, etc.
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Is Mum guilt present in your life? Get to know the reasons this may exist.
Does it arise from unrealistic expectations of yourself or are you receiving expectations from someone else? Are you comparing yourself to other Mothers or social media mothers who appear to have it all together? (news flash: they don’t)
“We do not need any more selfless women. What we need right now is more women full of themselves. A woman who is full of only herself no longer internalises the world’s memos and expectations. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done, and let’s the rest burn. This is how you find yourself.” Glennon Doyle
