Kiddipedia
In today’s fast paced world, there are a few things that parents of teenagers could be doing. I don’t say this lightly or on a whim. This comes from almost 20 years of teaching in high schools and from raising two teenagers of my own. So, you could say I know a thing or two about teenagers and parenting, and to be honest there is nothing to fear about these formative, hormone-fuelled years. You have the best opportunity to form lifelong habits and bonds with your young person right now, irrespective of the family unit and how it is or isn’t made up.
Here’s how to begin:
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Get a ‘thing.’
Anytime my husband was out on a business dinner or work event, the kids and I would always do our thing. We would have (and still have) dinner dates or lunch dates. Sneaky little escapades where I’d say “Shhhh don’t tell your dad.” This was always tongue in cheek though because as soon as he came home, I’d tell him all about our adventures. To this day, they still ask “Where are we going mum?” if their dad is heading out. This is our thing. We can chat over a meal out or sit quietly in each other’s company.
Some other ideas that work well are attending sporting games, family competitions, game nights or even just going for a drive for a change of scenery. In general, though, if you can get out of the house, it’s a ‘thing.’ So go make those memories and enjoy each other’s company. This leads me to the next point…
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Openly show that you enjoy their company.
One thing I can wholeheartedly say is that teenagers still want your approval, attention, and affection. I know they can push the boundaries, test your limits, and often act aloof and nonchalant, but teenagers still need to know you care. They need to feel heard and respected. There is no better way to show this than giving up a little of your time to talk or hang out with them. As adults, we can get stuck in the daily routine of life and forget to stop and notice those living under the same roofline. Even just stopping what you are doing when they enter the room, looking up and saying hello is such a small gesture, but noticed by your teen. Ask them “What are your plans for the day (or weekend)?” “Do you need a lift?” “What can I help you with?” “Can I come with you?” Openly admitting that you want to spend a little time with them is enormous in their young minds. That doesn’t mean you have to agree to everything they want to do however…
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Draw the line somewhere.
By default, as an adult and a parent, your teen is expecting you to say ‘No’ to them sometimes. Don’t be afraid to use this word. It is not taboo, you won’t be undoing all your hard work, you just need to know how to deliver the news. Don’t have a screaming match, which works for no one. Take a breath, drop the tone of your voice, and give a measured, controlled and firm ‘No.’
State your reasons. Always. If they or you are not ready for those reasons, just say ‘I will tell you later today or tomorrow.’ But follow through with this, don’t forget or make weak excuses. Offer a little bit of your own experiences to help your teen see where you are coming from, they’ll appreciate it one day. It lasts longer in their memory.
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Know their friends.
As the quote from American businessman Dan Pena goes “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” You need to know who your teenager is spending their time with, so encourage them to come over and hang out at your place. This doesn’t mean your house is party central, it means it is a safe place for them to convene occasionally. The purpose of this is so you can see how they talk, behave and act. Your parent radar will notice if something is not right.
If this is the case, you need to mention it to your teen. Be specific though, don’t just say ‘I didn’t like your friend/s.’ Instead, come from a place of care and concern saying something like ‘I noticed your friend Billy, was hesitant to say thank you, are they shy or is something wrong? Do they need help with anything?’ This shows minimal judgment about their behaviour and concern for their wellbeing.
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Ask about social media.
This is a huge issue and causes many issues for parents and teens. I’ll be honest, I’m still waiting for my 17-year-old to accept my friend request on Instagram. It’s been over a year. I’m not perfect either. But I have taught him about being safe online and how the algorithm will always push more of the same content you watch. I’ve seen his feed; I’ve asked to see his feed. It’s full of cat videos and soccer. Not much else is going on there, that I know of anyway. You have every right as a parent to not allow social media, allow it if they friend you on socials or ask to see what they are looking at every now and then. I recommend watching the Netflix show ‘The social dilemma’ with your teenager and allow the conversations to flow. It’s a great icebreaker around the topic of social media and mental health of our youth.
In summary, you are raising a human being. Enjoy the ride, soak up the sarcasm and the moods with a sense of humour and strength. You’ll get through this if you stop fearing the worst and focus of what’s good about having a young adult in your home. If you do it right, they’ll even cook dinner for you occasionally.
Nural Seker is a dedicated educator with 20 years of experience in the Australian education system. As the author of the best-selling book “The Broken World of Education,” she provides a critical examination of the challenges within the current educational landscape. Nural’s career has been marked by her advocacy for a more effective and inclusive educational system, highlighting issues such as an overcrowded curriculum, the extensive workload on teachers, and the high turnover rate among educators.
In addition to her work in the classroom, Nural has cultivated a strong social media presence, where she shares both the humorous and challenging aspects of teaching. Her insights resonate with many educators, offering support and a sense of community. Through her posts, she addresses the evolving complexities faced by teachers and students alike, emphasizing the mental health impacts and the need for systemic changes.
Nural is available to speak to a variety of different audiences, schools, students, teachers, and parents. She can tailor an engaging, inspirational, and motivating session for all groups.
To enquire about Nural’s availability to speak at your venue or event, please email Nural at info@lwcbt.com.au
Follow Nural on social media @learnwhatcantbetaught
Order a copy of her book ‘The Broken World of Education’ from Amazon or directly
by clicking the link www.lwcbt.com.au/thebrokenworldofeducation
