Elise Clement
We’ve all had these days…when nothing seems to work as planned. The baby won’t go to sleep, the toddler decides to throw a tantrum at the most inconvenient time, we get the unexpected call from school to pick up our sick child, or worse still, the day is spent at the emergency room.
Learning to navigate the level of unpredictability that comes with looking after our children is one of the greatest challenges mothers must face. Although these “bad days” are bound to happen, the same way they most likely did in our life pre-children, the default reaction is often to take all the blame and fall into a toxic self-deprecating spiral.
Here are some ways you can take the edge off and invite more self-kindness when the going gets tough.
Hand on heart
I said it at the beginning: we ALL have these days. Taking a moment to acknowledge that you’re having a bad day can sometimes be enough to disrupt the flow of negative self-talk. You can also try to put a hand on your heart and say to yourself: “I’m having a bad day. It happens to all of us. I’m doing the best I can given the situation.”
Get rid of shame
“I’m a bad mum.”; “I’m not good at this.”; “I’m a failure”. This is the inner dialogue that often runs in the background when we draw broader conclusions about who we are based on events that are out of our control. Shame prevents us from viewing a situation objectively. It eats away at our self-esteem and self-confidence over time. If shameful thoughts plague you, try this trick by the wonderful Byron Katie and ask yourself: “Is this true”? Wait for the answer that arises from your heart. You are not inherently bad, even when you make mistakes.
Invite self-kindness
Mothering is hard, there’s lots of uncertainty to navigate and plenty of curve balls to dodge.
Knowing that, what is the kindest thing you can say to yourself or do for yourself in this moment? If it is hard for you to find kind words, think about what you would say to a friend if they were going through something similar.
Remembering that you have survived difficult days in the past will also help you tap into your innate strength and resilience. You’ve got this!
If you find it hard to turn the volume of your inner critic down and want to build your self-confidence and sense of empowerment as a mother, please reach out. You can find out more about my work here.
