Fussy Eater Solutions
“I put such healthy options on his plate, like peas and carrots! By now he has had a great deal of exposure but still will not eat them, it is so disheartening!”, Carol said to me.
“All he does is whinge and throw the carrots and peas on the floor. The other day he had a real meltdown over it. I do not understand it, carrots and peas are simple nice foods”.
It is much easier to think we are doing our feeding jobs as parents when we place several food groups on our children’s plates. We can see that we have some protein, some carbs, some veggies and feel like we have done the best for our child.
In this piece I want to to discuss how plated meals can be counterproductive with fussy eating kids because parents expect nutritional outcomes. Good nutrition cannot ingested through reason, a model that favours pleasure of eating, conviviality and intuitive eating is worth considering.
Our Nutrition Obsession on the Plate
Social scientist Claude Fischler tells us that plating is a model of serving meals based on dietetics and nutrition knowledge. He mentions America as one country that has used this model for over 100 years. As we pre-plate we seek to provide specific nutrients on the plate based on our understanding of nutrition. Australians know this type of pre-plating as “meat and three veg”. One has to eat what is on the plate to be healthy.
A more European way of serving meals is to do so from the middle of the table (known as family style of serving). Similar food can be offered, yet there is no expectation that one will eat a specific food. Instead Europeans will expect conviviality at the table while children learn to sit down happily for meals. The conditions for taking a meal matter more than what children consume. In other words, this model of serving is not nutrition -obsessed. It leaves room to eat intuitively.
Claude Fischler argues that the American model influenced by 100 years of dietetics is counterproductive as indeed America is a global leader in obesity.
If this model is counterproductive for obesity, is it also counterproductive for fussy eating?
Pre-plated Meals: Practical or Problematic?
For parents, pre-plating meals is a practical way to provide protein, carbohydrates and vegetables to their children. There, you have done your job, you can catch your breath or can you ?
Upon checking what is on their plate your child refuses to come to the table. She becomes upset or pushes the plate away. Peas and carrots end up on the ground despite the many exposures your child had.
If this keeps happening, then pre-plating has gone from practical to problematic: first, parents see what is left on the plate. They conclude that some nutrients must be missing from their child’s nutrition. This concern can impact all meals moving forward. Second, as they see the offending food on their plate, children may have strong reactions, from meltdown to complete disengagement. As parents try harder to get the missing nutrients into their child, they may get anxious and stressed. In turn, children may get anxious and stressed. It is a lose-lose situation.
The Plate that divides our food may also divide parents and children. Parents will try to reason their child to eat the offending food, “eat your peas, please, it is only peas, it’s healthy for you”. However, as I have explained here, there are many reasons why some children cannot bring themselves to eat a food you view as perfectly fine.
Reconsidering the pre-plating of veggies that your child rejects with more attitude or anxiety everyday is worth it. You were doing your job of exposure but now those peas and carrots that come onto her plate unsolicited, she sees as harassment, or as a threat even. You thought you had control over what your child ingested, but in fact your child is fighting for some control.
In the second model, parents prioritise happy, relaxed, convivial mealtimes over nutrition. Children have autonomy to manage their hunger and time to grow their understanding of the family food. They learn to tackle challenging food when they are ready. They can help themselves from the family food and have a chance to grow as intuitive eaters.
Most feeding specialists now recommend serving food without pre-plating and making mealtimes pleasant. To start, you could offer the same food but give your child an empty plate. From age 2 many children can help themselves, you can support where appropriate. As you serve family style, pictured here and further explained here you are giving your child some useful power. You are also trusting that in due course they can learn to eat more variety from the choice you offer.
Pleasure of Eating and Conviviality are key to good Nutrition
Last night I was talking to Nicole, whose 8-year-old Leila has progressed so much since we started to work together. Leila has tried new foods (including mixed foods such as a meat casserole, which she would never have attempted before). Nicole reflected on her own upbringing and said that when she was a kid her parents’ mealtime mantra was “finish your plate”. Nicole says that she was “heavy” in her early twenties. She developed an unhealthy relationship with food as she restricted herself and adopted a “you are what you eat” mantra. During all those she says she never enjoyed her food, it was always a duty to eat. She says this is how she was feeding the family. She has since cooked delightful dishes and seen her daughter express pleasure of eating. Nicole wondered if her goal-oriented approach had further impacted her daughter’s fussy eating…
We discuss conviviality and pleasure of eating with all the families I work with. I always recommend the inclusion of a second course such as bread/crackers with cheese or yoghurt, fruit or dessert. This, I find, supports children to learn to eat better at mealtimes. When children feel satisfied at the end of the meal, they can learn that meals help you feel good and build confidence to approach challenging food.
If you find that your family struggles why not download my free e-book:“Ready to turn the tide on stressful family dinners?” It covers my top starter tips to turn the tide on fussy eating in your family.
