Kiddipedia
Author: Joy Fairhall – Founder of Mind Body Joy,
Surviving Mother’s Day when you no longer have your mum can be one of life’s toughest experiences.
What was once a beautiful day for togetherness and celebration often becomes the very opposite: no public display of love, cards and flowers. It can be confusing and upsetting and can reopen the wounds of loss.
Joy Fairhall, grief support expert, says that many people – whether newly bereaved or those who have lived without their mothers for years – are uncertain of how to handle their pain on a day of universal celebration.
“When you’re faced with visiting the cemetery rather than visiting your Mum for a loving hug you often find yourself wishing you could just hide away all day until the day is finally over. It’s even worse when you consider there are often weeks of advertising leading up to the day itself. But you have no gifts or cards to buy, no restaurants or visits to book, no cake to bake to thank your mother for her care and love.
“It’s especially hard if you’re a mum yourself or have family Mother’s Day celebrations. How do you deal with your emotions when you are surrounded with excitement and happiness and love?” With many Mums having children later in life, you often find yourself in a situation where you are surrounded by love from young children and yet feeling overwhelmed and sad that your mum is no longer here with you.
It’s particularly challenging if you have recently lost your mother, with emotions quickly bubbling to the surface and reviving pain that you might have thought you’d dealt with, sending you back to square one. It can be difficult, too, to find ways to speak to others about your mother and to explain that she has died without causing discomfort and distress for everyone.
Having supported many clients to get through special days like Mother’s Day, I’d like to share how to turn this day into a positive occasion to express love and celebration. Below is a simple strategy that will help you honour and acknowledge your emotions while allowing you some control and calm, even during planned family events. It will also support you when you are surrounded by your little one’s excitement, happiness and love.
Be prepared
Plan your day with your wellbeing in mind by:
- Choosing what you want to do, not what you feel obligated to do
- Avoiding activities that might trigger painful memories
- Letting loved ones know in advance what you need or don’t need
- Giving yourself permission to say no
Panicking about not feeling in control is the number one reason people wish they could hide away, so planning is a great way to bring some control back into your own hands as well as reducing any overwhelm.
Get in early
If you feel you need to visit the cemetery or memorial place for your Mum, try and do it just before or after Mother’s Day.
Why visiting early may help:
- More peaceful and private time for reflection
- Space to fully acknowledge and release your emotions
- Less emotional overwhelm on the actual day
- Helps you stay present if you’re also celebrating as a mum
Breathe
Mindful techniques can calm and reduce those rising overwhelming emotions and allow you to feel more in control.
Mindful ways to calm yourself:
- Use deep breathing techniques (like “3 Minutes to Calm”™)
- Step away to a quiet place when needed
- Allow emotions to rise without suppression
- Practice self-compassion – it’s okay to grieve
There are many techniques which are useful for calming that rising tide of emotions and helping to focus the mind.
Celebrations
If you are having a family Mother’s Day celebration, be aware of other family members’ emotions—especially if you are a close family. Understand that this Mother’s Day will be emotional and difficult and that it’s okay. It’s normal to grieve someone you loved with all your heart.
If attending a Mother’s Day gathering:
- Acknowledge your own and others’ emotions
- Let the host know ahead of time you might need a break
- Have a quiet space identified for retreat
- Allow yourself to step away if overwhelmed
Informing others in advance means they will understand and know to give you the space you need instead of pushing to see what’s wrong. Think of it as a little protection shield that allows you to gain back some control.
Reach out
If you, like me, have lost your mum, please know that you aren’t alone. Everyone who has lost their mother deeply understands how you feel and is far more understanding than you might realise. Reach out for help if you need it—you’ll nearly always find someone who will be there for you.
Ways to honour your mum and cope with grief:
- Talk openly about your mum with loved ones
- Share stories and happy memories
- Explain to your children why she was special
- Celebrate the love, not just the commercial side
Allow the emotions to arise, don’t hold them back—a hug always helps. Talk about your Mum. Remember the laughs, what made her special and how she made you feel. Share her story with your kids and show them why Mother’s Day is truly celebrated. It’s not about cards or flowers—it’s about the deep, irreplaceable love between a mother and child.
Joy Fairhall – Connecting Mind, Body and Joy
When life throws a curveball, Joy Fairhall is the person you want in your corner.
Founder of Mind Body Joy, Fairhall brings personal insight and professional expertise to help find the
positive perspective to overcome and manage life-changing events.
Author of the book ‘The Empty Pillow Beside You’
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