Kiddipedia
When it comes to sharing custody of your children with your ex, things can get tricky sometimes. This is especially the case around major holiday periods like Christmas, Easter and over the school holidays.
Ella Hickman from Hickman Family Lawyers in Perth has shared her top 8 tips for shared custody over the holidays, to help make your holiday arrangements as stress-free as possible.
Plan Well In Advance
Planning for shared custody over the holidays can be daunting, especially if it’s your first holiday after getting divorced. We all know how easily last-minute plans can go wrong, not leaving much time to make changes, so it’s best to plan well in advance. Don’t wait for the last minute to enter into discussions with your ex, particularly if either of you hopes to go away with the kids.
Check on your and your ex’s annual leave schedule and the school holidays dates and try to reach a mutual agreement as early as possible. Don’t forget to inform the children too, so they too know what lies ahead. This will help them to adjust to the new plans and look forward to a joyous and stress-free holiday.
If a Parenting Plan or Parenting Order exists, ensure that your plans for the holidays are consistent with the agreed terms of the order. If there isn’t one in place, you could consider consulting a family lawyer to help you draw one up, helping to avoid repeating this stressful procedure year after year.
Be Flexible If Things Change
Parenting, and more particularly co-parenting, is not an exact science where one rule applies all the time. Life often has a habit of putting a spanner in the works, usually at the last minute, requiring adjustments to be made. This is when both parties need to be flexible and come to a mutual agreement that suits everyone, and more particularly to ensure all decisions or changes are made in the children’s best interests. You’ve probably heard this before, but when parents put their children first, making the right call becomes an easy thing to do.
By being flexible to accommodate your ex when things go wrong for them, it will encourage them to return the favour when things go wrong for you. Being flexible to accommodate each other, also helps pave the way for an amicable post-divorce relationship with your ex, making life easier for the whole family all the time, not just during the holidays.
Avoiding Doubling Up On Gifts & Activities
When discussing arrangements with your ex, don’t forget to discuss gifts and activities to avoid doubling up. If you’re planning to buy a large and expensive Christmas gift, consider giving a joint present, showing your children that you’re still a family. Whatever you do, don’t try to outdo your ex. You’re not competing for your children’s affection.
Discuss and reach an agreement on how you will share any special traditional family event you may hold, like the opening Christmas presents, Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas lunch, attending a religious service, a New Year’s Eve celebration or how you spend New Year’s Day. You can either split the activities, or alternate each year, or, if your relationship with your ex is amicable enough, you could choose to celebrate some of these events together.
Use A Co-Parenting App
If there is no Parenting Plan and you’re both finding planning for the holidays stressful, consider using technology by acquiring a co-parenting app. Both parents can create their own custom-made co-parenting calendar, setting up exactly when you each have the kids, making life less complicated.
Both parents have access to it and use it to communicate with each other, or make changes if needed, without the fear of the children or anyone else being involved.
Start New Traditions
While it feels important to retain as many of the old family traditions as possible, it’s inevitable that some traditions may just not be possible after a divorce. But it also creates the perfect opportunity to start some new ones that everyone will enjoy and look forward to. They don’t have to be major events that cost the earth to be special. Simple things like cooking a traditional meal, or baking a specific cake or certain biscuits during Christmas or Easter, can evoke beautiful warm emotions, that your children will cherish forever.
Whatever new traditions you choose, ensure that the children get to spend a fair amount of time with both parents, especially during Christmas, Easter and other religious and cultural events, whichever hold value for your family.
Consider Extended Family
Extended family members, like grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins, often become forgotten after a divorce, particularly if either parent has relocated to another city or state. Bonds between children and grandparents in particular, can be so special, so make every effort to include your extended families in your holiday plans.
Include Your Children In Your Decision Making
If your children are mature enough, include them in your decision-making and ask them for their opinion and suggestions too. By listening to them, you will get a good indication of what they would like to do in their holidays, and help you both to plan a holiday that they can enjoy. Remember holidays should always be child-focused.
Take Time Out For Self-Care
Although holidays are meant to be relaxing, planning them can be a fairly stressful affair, especially if you have just come out of a difficult divorce. Use the time your children spend with your ex to recharge your batteries and take some time-out for some serious self-care.
Remain socially active and spend some time with close friends or family members you may have neglected of late. Get plenty of rest, and spend some time doing only what you want to do…and have some fun.
Ella Hickman is the owner and Principal of Hickman Family Lawyers, one of the leading family lawyers in Perth.
She practices almost exclusively in family law in Perth and has a particular interest in parenting and children’s issues, matters arising from domestic violence in relationships, and property settlement cases.
She has a Bachelor of Laws and Bachelor of Arts (majoring in Psychology) from the University of Western Australia and has been practising as a barrister and solicitor since 2014.
Website: https://hickmanfamilylawyers.com.au/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hickmanfamilylawyers
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/hickman-family-lawyers/about/
