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We all experience difficult emotions—stress, anxiety, frustration, sadness. It’s part of being human. But when these emotions overwhelm us, it can feel like we’ve lost control. Maybe you’ve snapped at someone you care about or spiralled into overthinking and self-doubt. Maybe you’ve tried to push the emotions away or distract yourself, only to find they keep coming back stronger.
The truth is, difficult emotions aren’t the problem—it’s how we respond to them that makes all the difference to our mental health. Learning how to regulate emotions isn’t about suppressing them or pretending they don’t exist—it’s about creating space to process them with awareness, flexibility and compassion. Here are three powerful steps to help you regulate difficult emotions so you can respond with clarity, calm and resilience instead of reacting impulsively.
1. Name It and Breathe
When difficult emotions rise, the first instinct is often to react to it. This can take different forms. You might lash out, shut down, or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like comfort eating or scrolling through your phone. That’s because your brain’s threat response—driven by the amygdala—kicks into gear, flooding your body with stress hormones and putting you in fight, flight, or freeze mode. But here’s the thing—when you pause and name the emotion, you help deactivate that stress response.
Research shows that naming an emotion reduces its intensity by shifting activity from the emotional center of the brain (the amygdala) to the rational center (the prefrontal cortex). In other words, you regain control simply by labeling what you’re feeling.
Instead of saying, “I’m freaking out,” try:
- “I’m noticing that I feel anxious.”
- “I’m feeling frustrated right now.”
Once you’ve named it, take a breath. Deep, slow breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system (your body’s “rest and digest” mode), which calms your heart rate and reduces cortisol levels.
How to Do It:
- Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now?
- Name it mentally, Try to be specific—are you feeling anxious, sad, frustrated, or something else?
- Then take three slow, deep breaths.
👉 Key Takeaway: Naming the emotion and breathing helps calm your nervous system and gives you the space to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
💡 Try This: Next time you feel overwhelmed, say to yourself: “I’m noticing that I’m feeling [emotion].” Then take three deep, slow breaths.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Many of us have a habit of beating ourselves up when we feel overwhelmed or emotional. We think, I shouldn’t feel like this, or What’s wrong with me? But here’s the problem: self-criticism intensifies difficult emotions. It triggers the body’s threat response even more, flooding you with cortisol and making you feel worse. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is a science-backed way to soothe big emotions and create inner steadiness. When you treat yourself with kindness instead of criticism, your body releases oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—which helps you feel calm, safe, and grounded.
Research by Dr. Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion increases emotional resilience, boosts motivation, and helps you reach your goals more effectively. People who practice self-compassion are more likely to bounce back from setbacks quickly because they aren’t wasting energy fighting with themselves. Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook—it means meeting yourself with kindness so you have the strength to keep going.
How to Do It:
When you feel overwhelmed, Try deliberately shifting your inner dialogue to sound like a supportive coach or wise and compassionate friend.
Say to yourself things like:
“This is hard.”
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“May I be kind to myself.”
👉 Key Takeaway: Self-compassion helps regulate emotions by calming your nervous system and giving you the emotional strength to face challenges without harsh self-judgment.
💡 Try This: Next time you feel overwhelmed try saying to yourself, “This is hard. My I be kind to myself in this moment” Notice how it shifts your emotional state.
3. Shift from Reaction to Response
Once you’ve calmed your nervous system and met yourself with kindness, the final step is to choose how you want to respond. Most of us operate on autopilot when emotions are high—we react without thinking. But once you’ve created some emotional space, you have the power to respond consciously.
Instead of reacting impulsively, ask yourself a question:
- What would be a helpful response right now?
- How can I best support myself right now?
- What kind of person do I want to be right now? What are my values?
For example:
- If you’re feeling angry, instead of snapping at someone, you could take a walk to cool off. Then come back and have a clear and helpful conversation.
- If you’re feeling anxious, instead of overthinking, you could practice deep breathing.
- If you’re feeling sad, instead of withdrawing, you could reach out to a friend for support.
By shifting from reaction to response, you take back control—and you strengthen your emotional resilience over time.
How to Do It:
- Take a breath and remind yourself: I don’t have to react right now.
- Choose a response that reflects your values, not just your feelings in the moment.
👉 Key Takeaway: You are not your emotions. You have the power to choose your response.
💡 Try This: When you feel triggered, pause and ask yourself: “What response would help me feel proud of how I handled this?”
Difficult emotions are inevitable in the flow of our lives—but being controlled by them is not. When you learn to name the emotion, calm your body through breath, meet yourself with compassion, and respond thoughtfully, you reclaim your emotional power and show up as the best version of yourself. Emotional regulation isn’t about avoiding emotions—it’s about learning how to meet them with awareness and wisdom. That’s where real strength comes from.
About the Author:
Melli O’Brien, author of Deep Resilience, is an internationally renowned mindfulness and mental health educator whose work has helped over a million people globally. She is a best-selling author and the creator of the Deep Resilience Method, which combines evidence-based mental strength skills with spiritual wisdom. For more information, visit www.melliobrien.com.
