Kiddipedia
All the training, education & experience in the world can’t prepare you for the sleep-deprivation-induced fogginess and confusion that comes with a newborn. I speak from experience as a teacher of 20+ years, a nanny of two years, and a solo mum by choice to one very demanding three-year-old. People made fun of me for being “over-prepared”. But none of those people were mums. You will (almost definitely) be so exhausted that you’ll eat your words about how “I’m good at pulling all-nighters for xyz so I reckon I’ll be fine.” You see, the biggest problem for mums with a newborn is that it isn’t just one all-nighter. It’s MONTHS of interrupted sleep where you are required to actively engage with your baby despite being so tired you feel your eyes may fall out, compounded by an increasingly loud baby cry. Even the quietest, sweetest little cherubs develop lungs like out-of-tune bagpipes at some time during their infancy. So, giddyup – it’s best to check things off this list before they become something you’ll lose (even more) sleep over, once your (amazing, incredible) baby has arrived.
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Make sure your home has smoke AND carbon monoxide alarms.
In an ideal world, they’d be interconnected so that if they go off in one room, they go off in them all. Now, I know this sounds like some sort of torture right now. But the safety of your soon-to-be-first-born will shortly become your main priority in life. It’s instinctive. And (non-interconnected) alarms cost $15 each yet could literally save your baby’s life. A working smoke alarm increases your chance of surviving a house fire by 60%.
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Have your car seat professionally installed AND ask them to teach you how to use it.
Film this (if only so you can laugh about it later). Some hot tips: 1) Practise with a doll/teddy 2) Remember to loosen the straps before you yank your dolly/teddy/baby out of their seat. 3) Capsules are awesome – but you can hire them; you don’t have to buy them new.
Let’s step away from safety for a moment, so we don’t get too bleak!
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In the notes section on your phone, type your birth announcements in advance
(for your work, your socials, your close friends/family) that can be adapted as needed. AND, make a list of who you’ll send it to – so you don’t miss anyone. It’s quite likely that once your baby is earth-side you will already be exhausted. Better to prepare in advance than be disappointed that you forgot to include Granny in your announcement SMS.
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Bulk buy, cook and freeze meals.
I found things I could eat single-handedly without any preparation (perhaps beyond a microwave) to be most beneficial for the first three months. Even once my son WAS able to be put down to sleep (google ‘fourth trimester’…), I found myself constantly exhausted, interrupted or unable to turn on the microwave for fear of the horrid beep waking him. Now, this isn’t all the time and for many, it won’t be for months. But definitely prepare for it to be somewhere in the first few months, at the very least.
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Plan how your baby will sleep safely (and a backup plan for if/when this doesn’t work).
Sleep deprivation is incredibly difficult. It starts to hurt in your eye sockets, your cheek bones and then slowly goes down through your entire body. It’s so penetrating that you’ll think it’s your mattress. Your sheets? Maybe you need a new pillow? But it’s probably not these things. You’re probably just aching with cumulative exhaustion. And so, when you’re just desperate to sleep, when you can’t possibly hold the baby for any longer (again, google ‘fourth trimester)…it’s possible that you may just fall asleep with them on the lounge. Please try not to do that. But do check out Red Nose Australia for sleep advice which has reduced SIDS in Australia by 80% since the 1980s. Their number one piece of advice: sleep your baby on their back from birth (even though your grandma will shake her head at you).
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When in doubt (or feeling thoughts you didn’t know you were capable of thinking), call your state’s Parenting Hotline.
They’re free, staffed by nurses and though hours of operation vary from state to state – they’re all pretty generous – usually a good 12 hours a day. I called them for everything from “how do I clean the sticky stuff out of his eye” to “I don’t want to be here but I can’t leave him. Help.” For this later question, the answer was: put him down somewhere safe and make a cup of tea. Hot tip: use a reusable travel cup for the first year (even at home). You don’t want to accidentally spill hot liquid on your baby. I learned this the hard way…
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Write a will and an enduring power of attorney.
You’ve probably heard of a will – your WISHES for if you were to die (including who will become your baby’s guardian and where your money/debt will go!). But what about a power of attorney? This is when you appoint (via a written document) someone to make financial and medical decisions on your behalf should you be living but unable to make your own decisions both for yourself and your baby. It’s bleak. Sorry. But consider it…
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Accept all hand-me-down items offered to you, even if they seem absurd.
Before my son was born, I was surprised by how many of my (lovely, generous) friends wanted to give me nail cutting devices. The snail. Electric file. Baby clippers. I declined them all. “My mum says…” I began with the voice of a newb “that she just bit mine off.” You know why mums use to bite them off? Because they didn’t have the snail, electric file or baby clippers. Accept all hand-me-downs from weathered mums – even if they seem absurd to you now. You can always donate them if you don’t use them.
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Install block-out blinds and learn about circadian rhythms.
You probably spend a lot of time googling the size of your baby, its actions, emotions and activities in your womb. And that’s great. We all did that. But if you’d like to google something a little more useful (albeit less entertaining), try “circadian rhythms and babies”. Some nice diagrams will outline how babies (statistically) initially just sleep wherever whenever but as they develop from days to months old, they begin to respond to darkness and light. Darkness = sleep (err, not consistently) and light = awake. Except that you’ll want your newborn sleeping for most of the day. SO. You’ll want to know how to (hopefully) achieve this when your baby isn’t going to sleep in the middle of summer at 8pm because the sun is still up, even though ‘the books’ told you they should be asleep by now…
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Pack your maternity bag and create a birthing playlist (you can always change it!) sooner rather than later.
Don’t forget to include these 2 items:
– heavy duty adult nappies (it’s only for a short time and beats the heck out of changing pads)
– chewing gum (google this – it’s not what you think: you’re going to want them if only because they MAY reduce childbirth pain and improve post-partum pooping)
Rachel is a teacher and solo mum by choice to a three-year-old. When she isn’t wrangling him, she’s sharing parenting tips on instagram www.instagram.com/solo_mum_
References:
https://rednose.org.au/news/why-should-you-sleep-your-baby-on-their-back
https://www.littleones.co/blogs/our-blog/the-power-of-body-clocks
https://safewill.com/blog/posts/10-reasons-why-you-need-a-will
https://bmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12884-021-04359-3
