AC Podiatry
There is no doubt that we are experiencing very different times at present. The restrictions on eating out, the debate around school closures, the selling out of toilet paper, it really is all surreal. In my every day life as a podiatrist I continually have conversations about the challenges that the Coronavirus and Covid-19 create, not only for the elderly and at risk, but for the front line service worker (be it in health, retail, or hairdressing), the child that is having to catch the bus to go to school, the single mum who has to decide whether to go to work or not, or the small business owner that has had to close their doors because they can no longer trade.
However, there was one conversation earlier this week that really struck a nerve for me. And maybe it is because I am a dad. This conversation was with a father that was riddled with guilt and concern for his kids. This gentleman, let’s call him John, is a divorced father of two boys (15 and 13), who is in the situation, like most divorced families in Australia, where the children spend the majority of time with their mum. He told me that the split in time is roughly 70-30 due to the fact that his work takes him away a lot and that both him and his ex-wife believed that the kids were in a better routine and better place staying with mum. He explained that generally the arrangement is ok, although he admitted to wishing he could see the boys more. He did explain that in the climate today with social distancing and social isolation, the closure of state borders, and the real possibility of a nationwide lockdown he was really worried and felt guilty about not being able to be there for his boys during this time especially. In particular he shared how he was really fearful of what the future may hold and revealed a desire to talk with and connect with his boys.
As is my style, I began questioning John. I asked him about how he chose to communicate with his boys. Did he use the phone, internet via Skype or other messaging apps, social media? How often did he chat or talk with them? He said he tried to talk to them as often as he could, and whilst he said he had a great relationship with his kids, he felt that the conversation was always superficial (they are teenagers after all) and with sport being shut down (both boys are avid footy players) and this being the main common interest he felt that he was struggling to breakthrough with them and connect with them at a deeper level. John just wanted to make sure his boys were ok with everything and make sure they were coping with the rapidly changing situation around them. He just didn’t know what else he could do.
It was during this conversation an idea popped into my head. “John do your kids play video games?” I asked. Naturally I got a quizzical look, this tends to be the initial reaction when I bring up gaming to adults. “Yeah, of course”, he replied. “Do you know what they play?” I asked hopefully. John told me that his sons played Fortnite and Apex Legends (to be honest the fact that John even knew that was massive as most parents really have little idea). For those of you who don’t know, they are both online games where people play in groups to win battles and complete challenges. They are free to play and are massively popular among teenagers, particularly because it provides for them to be able to communicate and play together with their friends out of school hours.
The next questions revolved around whether he played with them or not. Did he dismiss it as a waste of time or did he view it as a point of interest for his kids that perhaps he should be involved in? His responses were the standard responses around gaming I normally get when the issue comes up. Phrases like “No, it’s a waste of time”, “I’ve got more important things to do”, “I’d rather they run around outside or read a book” are common place and John’s were no different.
Given my unique position around this issue we proceeded to have a discussion about the virtues of gaming for his boys. I explained that for most boys, gaming is actually a way of them communicating with friends, having some mental downtime from the stresses of being a teenager, and simply having fun. I also shared my experience of gaming with my kids and their friends and how it has helped me develop a deeper level of connection, in particular with my son. I explained that during gameplay, it is my experience, that the walls come down. By showing an interest in something my son loves and working together to achieve mutual goals within the game, we have had conversations about things that I never thought he would talk to me about. Many of these whilst we are actually playing the games, however it has also bled across into other aspects of our family life. I finished up by telling him I thought gaming with his boys provided a real opportunity for him to connect with them on days that he wasn’t there and that perhaps he may get to answers he is seeking from them. Rather than viewing it as a waste of time, perhaps he could view gaming as an opportunity to bond, talk and ultimately connect with kids at a deeper level. After all what did he have to lose? It was worth a try, right? And there is evidence that backs this up. Researchers from Arizona State University, state that “Parents miss a huge opportunity when they walk away from playing video games with their kids.” (Elizabeth Hayes, Delbert & Jewell Lewis).
We finished with John thanking me for my advice and telling me I had given him much to think about. I don’t know if John took my advice. I’m looking to follow up with him in the coming weeks and it is my hope he has given it a shot. In a world of what seems like ever increasing uncertainty and isolation, I honestly believe any tool we have as parents to connect with our kids should be explored and used. If you have thought about playing games with your kids, there is no better time than now. And if you are a dad, or mum, who due to circumstance doesn’t see or connect with your kids as much as you would like, perhaps you can give gaming a go. What’s the worst that can happen? What I can guarantee is your kids will love and appreciate you for no other reason than you showed an interest and made the effort.
Much Love
DTG
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