Raising Great Teens
Childhood is a magical time. It’s a time for excitement, fun, and make-believe. And if it’s in your culture, it’s also about Christmas and Santa. Many families have lots of traditions around Christmas that can sometimes fall away slowly during the preteen and teen years. Some kids put on a front that they don’t enjoy the activities they once looked forward to or got excited about during this time of year. It’s easy to feel that now they ‘know’ the magic is no longer there, that they can’t continue with traditions because they are for the ‘believers’ and so no point now.
It doesn’t have to be the case, though that once loved activities and traditions must end. Keeping the magic alive is often the combination of leaning into family traditions while jollying your tweens and teens along and at the same time creating new traditions for you and your family with their creative input.
Leaning into traditions
It can be an odd experience for both of you when the tween and teen years hit but just because there is no more pretending doesn’t mean that your role as the magic maker needs to change or come to an end. Firstly, consider all the traditions and the way you have been doing things. If you like it and want it to remain, it’s okay. Let it be known. For example, regarding presents that Santa has always delivered as a surprise, you can say, “You can ask for whatever you like, and Santa (with a wink) will still choose what they bring you, and you’ll find out on Christmas morning.”
You have always put the magic there, and you can continue to. Just declaring with a sense of fun and excitement that ‘the magic of Christmas is there because we choose it to be’ is all that needs to be said. When the eye rolls come, the grunts and groans, or requests and declarations made, we don’t always need to rise to it, react, or even manage it at all. Sometimes, just the simple acknowledgement that even though they are older, the magic of Christmas is still part of it for you, even if not for them, may be enough to suffice. Sometimes the feelings of familiarity and offering a way for the fun to continue are appreciated, even if they don’t say it at the time.
Promoting them to be the magic makers too
Getting them involved in the traditions rather than letting go of traditions can help them feel special and part of the bigger picture of the creation of beautiful memories during this time of year. It could look like role allocation, e.g. chief of Christmas baking – choosing the menu of desserts and writing the shopping list or even doing some of the baking. Finding a gift for a relative and sending you the link to purchase or allocating the purchasing to them too. Inviting them in on the planning and making room for their creative ideas keeps the traditions growing as your family does. Our teens have a lot more awareness now of what other families do because of the online world.
If you have a preteen/teen and a younger child or children, it might be nice to involve them in ‘the making of the magic’. This, of course, is not just around the magic of Christmas… this is also about creating the magic in childhood. “You and your little sister go and pick up a new star for the top of the Christmas tree while I do a sneaky run to the toy shop.” Teens and preteens often love being on the inside of a secret or joke.
At the same time, they may also use the ‘telling the truth’ to younger siblings as a power play, as tween and teens navigate emotional regulation the siblings can sometimes be the point at which they try to feel more powerful or in control- inviting them our tweens and teens in early can also help them feel a sense of maturity too.
Let them know what you enjoy about Christmas and why it is important to you to keep traditions going. When teens hear and feel a sense of belonging and purpose, they are more inclined to be involved.
Introducing new traditions
Teens are driven to seek independence from parents generally, and this may look like a shift in interest in doing the traditional family activities. Now might be the time to change things up a little. Offering the opportunity for them to put their own flavour on Christmas allows for creativity and self-expression and can bring some wonderful new ideas and traditions into your family too.
If it really is obvious to you and them, that the magic of pretend is just not going to cut it anymore, asking them what they would like Christmas to be about now.
Explore the idea of:
- the gift of giving
- the element of surprise
- creating moments instead of just receiving presents- moments that become treasured memories
Shifting from Santa to a season of goodwill, joy, and family time can be a beautiful transition—and often, tweens and teens are more creative than we expect.
Ideas for Christmas traditions for tweens and teens
- Making a hamper for your neighbours who are elderly or have young kids.
- Volunteering time as a family at a local charity that addresses an issue your teen or preteen is interested in, e.g. the pound, toy drive. Tweens and teens love to feel their cause matters.
- Ask your teen to take some creative photos to be used as the cover of Christmas cards.
- Instead of putting presents under the tree for Christmas morning… get everyone in your house to hide their presents and do a present hunt first and ‘collect’ them.
- Create a hot chocolate/milkshake bar to have a decadent drink while watching your teen’s favourite Christmas movie, or the latest release.
- Get out and about to Christmas markets, pop-up events, go see a show; new activities are always changing, and there will be activities that are not suitable for younger children but perfect for a teen looking for a taste of young adulthood. Tweens also love being out at night—it feels grown-up.
- Christmas Craft or DIY Gift Night -tweens and teens often enjoy hands-on creativity when it has a purpose. They’ll roll their eyes… then secretly love it.
- Memory Jar-Each year, everyone writes one favourite moment, funniest moment, biggest challenge, proudest achievement or thing they want to remember about the year. Collect them year after year and read them back later.
- Everyone buys (or makes) a small, funny, or themed gift—under $10. Do a blind swap or play a dice game to determine who gets what. Teens love the unpredictability
- Christmas Lights Rating Night- drive around to view local Christmas lights.
- Ornament Creation- Let your teen design one new ornament each year—painted, handmade, digital print, or 3D printed. Or purchase an ornament that they love. The ornaments become a timeline of their creativity.
- Reverse Advent Calendar- instead of receiving something each day, they add an item daily to a box for charity. Great for fostering empathy and purpose.
Christmas Morning
Allow for a slower start
Include a slower start to the day as tweens and teens often prefer sleeping in
- breakfast first
- a short chat
- opening stockings in bed
Encourage all hands-on deck.
Assign silly roles:
- Chief Stocking Inspector
- Pancake Boss
- DJ for the day
- Present Distributor
Final Thoughts
Look after you
Of course, like many stages of parenting, as one stage ends another begins, and sometimes transitions from one stage to another can be a little sad. So, if you need a minute to feel sad about them getting older or that something is ending, that’s okay too. Make time for it. Allow it, feel it, no need to manage it or resist it.
Then follow this with spending a little time imagining what Christmas with adult children looks like, and see what there is there that you can begin to create now. What does Christmas look like for you as a parent of adult children too? While things shift and change with time, often the notion that connection, love, and a sense of fun underpins the reason for Christmas activities—traditions can be a great way of feeling all those things.
So whether you lean into your traditions, doing them anyway because even though everyone ‘knows’, we love to bring the magic and make-believe, or if you are closing a chapter and starting another; the spirit of Christmas is there because we choose it, and often, as the leaders in our families, we hold the tone for the day even when it appears like no one else wants to, and suddenly, just like that (or over a few Christmases), everyone is back on board again.
Have a tradition you want to continue forever? We would love to hear it. Trying something new? We would love to know that too.
If you found this article helpful, you can read more on our website at; https://raisinggreatteens.com/articles/
And of course, we wish you a Happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year,
Trish and Azadi- Raising Great Teens
