Kiddipedia
The anxiety surrounding the holidays can start with ticking boxes…
- Remembering to bake for the staff Christmas party
- Booking the car in for its service before the annual road trip
- Navigating shopping mall parking lots, looking for an elusive car space
But underneath it all, there is a simmering anxiety, one that anticipates family tension.
Reflecting on the years that passed may trigger this anxiety, as you remember the disagreement with your parents last year about the best way to parent the kids or not seeing eye to eye with a brother-in-law about screen time.
Maybe it’s predicting the influx of intrusive questions about your fertility journey from Aunt Judy.
These thoughts are not bad, it’s ok to have anxieties and fears, it’s what we do with them is key.
Allowing them to circle in our minds, resulting in us swirling in the sheets nightly for the month of December isn’t helpful. But taking note of these anxieties and facing our fears will actually lower our anxiety and increase our confidence.
So how can you stay calm in an argument or confrontation when you know you’ll be seeing someone a little ‘tricky’ for the holidays?
We might not be able to change how the people in our family act, but we can change ourselves and how we react with these three tips:
- Ground yourself each morning – Even if you’re time poor you can still wake-up and instead of scrolling through your phone, plant your feet on the ground and take some deep breaths. If you can fit in a short meditation, that’s great too! Making sure we’re grounded helps us with our own emotional regulation, our ability to stay calm, and we’ll be less likely to react when we’re triggered.
- Put that morning training into action – When you’re in a conversation with a ‘tricky’ family member or notice a conversation going somewhere difficult. Take a physical step back if possible and notice the breath. Slowing down the conversation will mean you’re able to pause and observe yourself, notice when things are escalating and hopefully allow you not to react and have a conversation escalate into an argument.
- Remember you have the right to walk away and centre yourself. Most of us aren’t practiced at this. Boundaries are hard, but something we need to learn, especially with family. If you’re practicing steps 1 & 2, you’ll be more tuned into your own body and when situations are getting out of hand. Simply say “I’m not ready to have this conversation right now” and give yourself permission to time out physically, or at least from the conversation. If you’re ‘elevated’ and have moved into fight or flight, it takes one hour to come down and be able to be think straight, speak calmly and not be led by emotion. So even though it might seem difficult or awkward to set this boundary, just know it benefits no-one if things have moved into fight or flight (this is when we say things we regret).
Lastly, be gentle on yourself. Family dynamics are quite engrained, it takes a long time for us to re-establish a pattern or way of interacting. So, follow these steps this year, and keep practicing, it’ll get easier I promise!
Louise Fitzgerald is a Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Intuitive.
She has made it her life’s work to guide people to find clarity & trust themselves in life’s big moments. The fertility and pregnancy journey is one of the biggest personal and spiritual growth journeys she has the joy of supporting people through. Using energy healing and mindfulness interventions to boost fertility and help people navigate grief, stress, and the transition into parenthood.
She is host of The Louise Fitzgerald Podcast and has over 80,000 plays of her meditations on Insight Timer. She lives in Sydney Australia but supports people online worldwide.
Website: https://www.louisefitzgerald.com.au/energy-healing
Free guide: 5 minutes daily to boost fertility & nurture a healthy pregnancy – https://louise-fitzgerald.ck.page/da21207fe0
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/louisefitzgerald.com.au/ and https://www.instagram.com/louisefertilitypregnancy
