Kiddipedia
“Mummy, why does Matthew* (name changed) in my class have darker skin than his brother?”
This was how my morning started with my two primary school aged children on the way to school recently. A little different to the usual chit chat that goes on as we meander our way through our local streets.
Of course, there was no mal intent in this question, it was just the pure inquisitive nature of a five-year old.
I could have responded in one of two ways – brush over it or give an honest answer. I naturally chose the latter.
Subsequently, this sparked a beautiful discussion between us during our morning commute and a whole line of other questions soon followed.
“Does that mean Matthew has a different mummy or daddy?” “Does it mean they aren’t brothers?” “Did he just come out of his mummies tummy like that?”
In Matthew’s case, his parents are different ethnicities, so his brother just so happened to be born with lighter skin than him.
Rather than leave it here I chose to start an open and honest conversation about what a family is.
This led to further chats about how some children are adopted and some, like my son, are made with the help of a donor as his parents are same sex. We spoke in depth about how families may look different on the outside, but on the inside we all feel the same things for each other; love. That was a concept my five-year-old understood completely.
Whether we like it or not, our kids see everything, and as a result, they question everything especially during their formidable years. We aren’t doing them any favours by glossing over questions about the varying types of families or worse, avoiding the topic all together.
My boy was merely reflecting on what he was seeing. Which got me thinking. All too often we, as adults, forget that our kids do not have any preconceived notions of race, sexual orientation, or creed. It is us, the parents, or the adults, that plant these notions in them.
Our children trust us to lead them in the right direction. They rely on us to give them the right and truthful information when they ask us questions about what they see and hear around them. This is a privilege.
Upon reflection, the conversation I had with my son on that morning was a privilege. I was given the opportunity to set a healthy tone for how he now goes forward and views families that look different to his and kids who look different to him; with love and inclusion.
We are all exposed to blended families on daily basis. Divorced, remarried, shared children, gay, adopted …Regardless of race, creed or sexual orientation, the family norm is varied and valid. Every family, be it blended, diverse or LGBTQI+ is mainstream.
There is no “family norm” anymore. In fact, I would argue that there never actually was a “family norm”.
It is important for children to understand that even though our families may look different, both in physical appearance and in make-up, we all share the exact same kind of love. And it’s that love that connects us.
Even though divorce rates are reportedly falling in Australia, almost 50,000 Australian marriages ended in divorced in 2019. Unfortunately, though, it is predicted that the pandemic may see another upward shift of this figure (Australian Bureau of Statistics 2020).
In addition to this, 4.8 per cent of all marriages in 2019 were same-sex and one in five Australians are part of a step-family (Australian Bureau Statistics 2010). Given these statistics it’s fair to say that we simply cannot shy away from educating our children that there is more than one way to have a family.
Children need to have a sense of belonging by normalising their familial and friendship circles, and their everyday experiences. Children need and want to see themselves as ‘normal’ – because they are “normal”. This starts with ensuring that the shows they watch on television are diverse and inclusive, that the books they read reflect the varying types of families and children, and the toys they are playing with reflect the same thing.
If we are giving our children books, toys and television that doesn’t reflect what they are seeing on a day-to-day basis, or in other words, in their reality, what are the long-term detrimental effects of that going to be for their development?
On reflection, I could have glossed over my son’s line of questioning on that car ride to school. I could have lied to him or avoided it all together. But that would’ve been a missed opportunity.
If WE, as parents, aren’t providing our children with the right information about blended and diverse families and diversity in general, then someone else will. And that is a scary thought.
Jennie Guay is a first-time author. Formally a career woman working in Financial Services, Jennie made the decision to leave the City and move to the country to support her step-children and write the Howie Blend series – a ‘six stories in one’ children’s book that is filling a much need gap for blended and diverse families. It is currently available on Amazon, Booktopia, Kindle and Kobo.
