6 Ways to Combat Parental Burnout

A child does not come with a manual or a clear roadmap for what you are meant to do!

In the early days there isn’t a dictionary to decipher what their cries or coos mean. The early years are physically demanding, emotionally draining and fraught with self-doubt and recrimination. Increasingly we have financial pressures that can find us working while we are parenting.

An ageing population also means we are likely to be caring for elderly family members while we are caring for young children. With busier lives, it also means that we are less likely to have a strong network of support around us. The net result is a type of burnout that is appearing in research – parental burnout.

Classically burnout was assigned to professional carers, who by the weight of caring for others, experienced emotional exhaustion, withdrawing from others and having a low sense of personal accomplishment and confidence. Applied to parenting, this translates to wanting to avoid and withdraw from our children, being in a chronic state of self-doubt about our parenting and constant exhaustion.

Here are 6 ways to combat parental burnout:

1. Reflect: Taking time to remember the story of how you got to be a parent, taking note of the positive stories and joyful moments can help us to counter the tougher moments. Having a sense of perspective that it is not always tough, and being mindful of the things we can celebrate and be grateful for can help.

2. Rest: Take opportunities to sleep when you can. Don’t be afraid to express how you are feeling and ask a trusted friend or family member if they can take care of your child for an hour so you can sleep. Sit down every now and again and put your feet up to rest. Taking care of young children can be very physically taxing.

3. Replenish: We are often the last people on our list to feed. Keep an eye on your hydration and quality of nutrients you are giving yourself. Have food that you enjoy regularly stocked up in your pantry.

4. Reconnect: Quite often we disconnect from friends and family because we can’t find time to do so, or we worry that we will be a burden to them. It is possible that our friends and family would find it an honour to be a part of a trusted circle of support. Start small, once a month coffees, weekly phone check ins, daily text messages to give and receive connection with others. Having professional relationships with a family doctor, counsellor or psychologist can also be important if you are finding your mental health is suffering

5. Resource: Are there things on your to do list that can be simplified or even dropped off? It’s perfectly reasonable that the laundry, cleaning and repairs may have a different time line for completion now that you have children.

6. Restore: Your sense of who you are can quickly dissolve when you have a child. Known as a mother or a father, you may lose sight of you as a human being. Make time for fun, hobbies, relaxation and leisure time for yourself to remind you of who you are.

Parenting is not easy, it does not have to be a lonely and frightening experience. Seek professional help if needed.

Valerie Ling

Clinical Psychologist, Speaker, Published Author and Clinical supervisor working primarily in pursuit of burnout prevention. Valerie is the Clinical Director and Founder of The Centre For Effective Living, a group Psychology practice in Sydney dedicated to clinical excellence in mental health. Valerie has worked with agencies to create and implement wellness programmes that target systemic burnout from trainees to professional carers. She is a sought after speaker by health professionals, clergy, cross-cultural workers, chaplaincy and educators to present industry specific and up to date research and strategies in burnout prevention.

In her roles as Founder and Director of The Centre For Effective Living she leads a team of Psychologists in evidence based treatment of mental health issues.